If the offer is shun, you might as well be walkin on the sun.

Dear Andrew,

Although I'm far away, know that I'm missing you very much. Remember, all that glitters is gold, and only shooting stars break the mold.

Greetings From a Gay Bear

How do you do?

Mighty pleasant greetin'

How do you do?

Say it when you're meetin'

How do you do?

With every one repeatin'

Pretty good sure as you're born.

I think too much and have excessive amounts of free time

The most disappointing movie I have seen in 2008 is Back To The Future 2. The first time I saw the movie was age 8 and despite being released nearly twenty years ago it is this year’s disappointment. Back To The Future 2 holds this title for two primary reasons.
1. Unlike when I was a kid, I now know to have low expectations for movies. The majority of movies are mediocre or worse, so its no use being excited for movies except for those rare exceptions. Case in point: This summer’s Batman movie is going to be all kinds of fantastic and everyone knows it. For most films now, I hope for something decent and anything beyond that is a treat. I’m aware that this is a pessimistic outlook but this is not an all-encompassing philosophy I use. I only apply it to movies, Pittsburgh Pirates baseball, and women. That’s healthy.

2. The second reason BTTF2 disappoints me is only coming to fruition right now. When Marty travels into the future he visits 2015. As a kid the concept of 2015 so was far fetched I thought nothing of it. Rewatching the movie this year puts a whole new spin on Marty’s adventures in future Hill Valley. In 1989 the flying cars gave us an exciting and entertaining look into the future. The future of suburban middle class families was one of instant Pizza Hut for dinner after an afternoon of hoverboarding. BTTF2 gave us Michael J Fox in his prime, a cute Leah Thompson, and the wacky Christopher Lloyd. It showed us a world where lawyers were abolished, Cubs were World Series Champions and the USA Today was relevant. In this future we could hang out with friends at the 80’s café and a virtual Max Headroom-style Ronald Reagan would take our orders.
But now, 2015 isn’t that far off and this is where the problem with BTTF2 arises. It was more than a blockbuster summer movie and more than a Huey Lewis soundtrack. It was an optimistic outlook on life and our future. In this world a high school boy was free to befriend the local mad scientist. Time travel was possible. Life was easier. Goldie Wilson could rise from janitor to mayor. But this future is not coming true. We’re not traveling through time. Kids are still on skateboards. Instead of flying cars, we have the same automobiles(nothing nearly as cool as the De Lorean), except now its incredibly expensive to fuel them. Crummy Pizza Hut pizza is not available instantly. Instead of sharing 80’s nostalgia with friends, we’re alone, watching phony celebrities reminisce on VH1.
Ultimately BTTF2 failed my generation. That future is now and its not working out like Robert Zemeckis and we all imagined. For the majority of my life I’ve been of the belief that BTTF2 was the rare sequel which bested the original but no longer. Despite all this, I’ll still watch BTTF2 when its on, but its clear that it can’t be grouped with Empire Strikes Back and Terminator 2. I’m not one for harping on the past, but in this instance it sure beats looking towards the future.

***On second thought. I’m looking into this too deeply. Its still a classic movie……plus Billy Zane plays one of Biff’s cronies.

Tuesdays with Morrissey!!!

Two Kings

Today we honor two great men. These two influenced my collegiate life more so than most professors and as least as much as grilled cheese man. Who am I referring to? Barney and Santana of course. This dynamic duo were there for me weekday in and weekday out. Weekend trips on the shuttle weren't nearly as fun without them. Most of the time on the weekend was spent listening to jerkoffs explain just how inebriated they were the night prior. But weekdays were filled with informative rants about politics, current events, and culture from Santana. Barney, though he never spoke, certainly brought something to the table, although he had a much different approach than his peer. Barney was a calming influence, always there after a long day of classes. He was the buddha of University transportation. Santana was the yin to his yang, a fiery orator who would both enlighten and entertain his passengers. On this dreary Friday afternoon I'll be forced to drive my car, but it doesn't compare to having a gray bus pick up you five minutes late. Here's to you Barney and Santana. Your legacy lives on forever.

#1 Fieldhouse Legend

Jameer Nelson. SJU's all time leader in points, assists and steals. Leader of the undefeated 2003-2004 team. Jameer was the consensus National Player of the Year, earning the Associated Press, Naismith, Rupp, Robertson and Chevrolet Player of the Year awards. In addition, Nelson was selected as a unanimous First Team All-America by the Associated Press, named the Atlantic 10 Player of the Year and captured the Francis Pomeroy Naismith Award, signifying the top player in the country 6-feet and under. He was also on the cover of Sports Illustrated with the caption, "Meet Jameer Nelson, the little man from the little school that's beating everyone." My personal favorite Jameer moment was the Jamiracle on 54th St. Last second, down by 3 to St. Bonaventure, he took two steps past the half court line sunk a 40 footer, sending the game into overtime and ultimately a victory. His impact on the team and the school are a key reason I don't have a problem paying my god forsaken school loans.

My number 2 Fieldhouse Legend. No words needed.

The Results Are In!! Houston Once Again Takes Top Prize in Best Ice Skating City in the USA!!

The Astros. Apollo 13. Hakeem Olajuwon. You may think of one of those three things when I say Houston. But to ice skaters everywhere, Houston is known as the Mecca of Ice Skating. Just ask ice skating and goose hunting aficionado David Ferrie, who in 1963, drove to Houston during one of the worst thunderstorms in recent memory. "Me and the boys took a trip to Houston," explained Ferrie "because I had not been ice skating there in some time." We understand the appeal of Houston ice skating more than anyone, but during a terrible storm? "Storm wasn't that bad," countered Ferrie.

Legends of the Fieldhouse

In February I witnessed the last basketball game before the Fieldhouse underwent renovation. As each day goes by and I witness the progress this building is making, it only serves to make me sentimental for the past, and all the good times I've had in that building. I would like to take the time to remember some of the legends that have passed through those doors. With all due respect to Tim Brown, The Cherry Poppin Daddies, Sue Moran, Marvin O'Connor, Andre Howard, Babul, Desmond Tutu, and Nick Lamparella, here are the 3 greatest Alumni Memorial Fieldhouse legends.

My number 3 choice may come as a surprise to some people, as its Mark McGrath, lead singer of Sugar Ray. Sugar Ray set the bar for late 90's lame pop music, and this is no small feat. Pop music in the late 90's/early 2000's was nothing short of horrendous, but Mark McGrath managed to lead the way and separate his band from the pack. Sugar Ray's 1999 performance in the Alumni Memorial Fieldhouse was witnessed by dozens of elated "music" fans and will never be forgotten. Knowing that they had to follow Orgy, a band who's one hit was a cover song, makes this fieldhouse moment one for the archives.

"All our favorite TV shows have gone out the window."

Uptown Baby, Uptown

Last week I got my haircut in between some work appointments. Although I was sporting the shirt and tie, i really needed a haircut, so I hit up NJ's finest HairCuttery. The cut was fine but the 'stylist' could not get the hair off my shirt. The giant bib they put on you doesn't offer adequate protection. Blasting me with hair dryer couldn't totally clean me off. After a minute of that, i gave up, despite the hair strewn across my blue dress shirt. Naturally, my apathy towards this made me think of Big Punisher.

"Little brown hairs everywhere"

"You nasty twin"

"I don't care."

*Subcomment: If you're an obese singer, it seems like opera and rap are your only options. Ex. Big Pun, Fat Joe, Pavarotti, Heavy D, The other two tenors, Biggie, PM Dawn, Biz Markie, The Fat Boys, Bubba Sparxxx, and Sir Mix-A-Lot.

Question from Lou:

"What are you driving at, boss?"

Medicine Balls = Gayer than Ever!!

According to the fascist business analyst George DeMornschild, the number one selling home fitness equipment for homosexual men is, you guessed it, the medicine ball. Medicine Balls have been used by athletes since Ancient Greece but their popularity with gay men arose in the early 20th century when they were prominently featured in homosexual fetish videos. The popularity of the medicine ball continues through the currently century as men become more concerned with their abs. DeMornschild also sees a direct relationship between the rise in homosexuality and the continued sales growth of the medicine ball. Sales of medicine balls slowed in the 1960s as they were deemed unpatriotic after David Ferrie used the balls to train his army of Cuban refugees. Despite the setback, medicine balls bounced back in the 1970s and the industry continues to prosper today.